Beberapa quote

- yang saya rasa menarik. Berpuluh ribu quote lain yang saya simpan dalam desktop mungkin hilang sejak kecacatan cpu yang menimpa. Saya syak monitor yang kong, tapi sihat saja bila saya cuba cucuk di laptop. Untuk tidak menimbulkan kekeliruan, hard disk yang menimpa kaki hari itu bukanlah dari cpu ini. Itu dari cpu 10 tahun lepas. :)

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Drive carefully, 90% of people are accidents.
God gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.
Hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even if you wish they were.
I used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
Music is my Drug, Youtube is my dealer
You are about as useless as a jam sandwidch to a drowning rabbit.
I'm as confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.
A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.
He's not dead... he's electroencephalographically challenged.
You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.
Nothing is foolproof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
Real charity doesn't care if it's tax-deductible or not.
I BELIEVE THAT GOD IS AWESOME!
If girls have period pains, guys should be kicked in the balls once a month
I survived Y2K, Bird Flu, Mad Cow, 9/11 and Swine Flu. 2012, Here I Come!
People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.
The trouble with children is that they're not returnable.
I have met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.
Wonder Woman hasn't actually got a cape... She just turned her apron around!
i love my own bed. But i'll be honest, id much rather be in yours ;)
That feeling you get when think you're in deep shit but everything turns out perfectly fine.
Children: you spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.
I hate when people punch my abs, and they break their hand.
Going to church doesn't make you a christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
Yeah, I'm quiet... around you. You should see me with my friends.
Best revenge? Smile, be happy, never let them know it hurt.
Google, Copy, Paste, Assignment finished :)
Say this fast [ I, 1, 2, 1/2 6] Like if you get it :)
Growing your beard during exams to seek extra wisdom.
[I] shou[l]d be [ove]r [you.]
When you're waiting for someone and you look like a prostitute.
Paper beats rock? ok, i'll throw a rock at you and you defend yourself with paper.
Are you crying? no. i'm pissing from my eyes!
Trust Is Like A Paper, Once It's Crumpled...It Can't Be Perfect :|
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
The hottest love has the coldest end.
When you are in Love you can't fall asleep because reality is better than your dreams.
life's a bitch because if it were a slut it'd be too easy.
To the world you are one person, but to one person you are the world.
Move out of the way children I've been waiting 11 years to see Toy Story 3!
Don't get mad when a girl cares too much. Worry when she starts to not give a fuck.
I hate when I accidentally send a txt to the wrong person & repeatedly hit end to make it stop sending.
IT WASN'T ME!!! oh.. THAT.. heh, yeah that was me.
Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Colin. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Colin.
Whoever said money can't buy happiness doesn´t know where to shop.
I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow doesn't look too good either.
Strangers have the best candy.
Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
If a man is standing in the middle of the forest speaking, and there is no woman around to hear him, is he still wrong?
Never forget a friend, especially those that owe you.
Save the trees, eat a beaver.
I DO NOT HAVE AN ANGER ISSUE!!!!!!!!!
Don't hate me cuz you want to be me, hate me cuz you can't!
If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
The best things in life are either illegal, bad, or fattening.
Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.
I used to have a voice like Justin Beiber, then I turned four.
I Automatically Start Panicking When I Cant Feel My Phone In My Pocke
The mini heart attack you get when you accidentally miss a step on the stairs.
Agreeing with people so they'll shutup.
I am a ninja.. no your not.. did you see me do that.. do what? ... exactly.
What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? "Hold my purse."
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom.
Mirrors can't talk. And lucky for you they can't laugh.
Behind every good man, there is a good woman. And behind every good woman, there's another man looking at her butt.
When I was younger, I put my face close tot he fan to hear my robot voice.
No mom, I don't need a jacket, I'm going from the house to the car.
Dear Homework, Your not attractive and I'm not doing you!
DEAR CUPID WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT YOUR AIM!
I haven't lost it, I just Cant Find It !!
When I was your age, we had to blow on the video games to make them work.
When we were little,Why were we so scared of our parents counting to three?
The guy who discovered milk?.What was he doing with that cow?
People in the background of photos make everything funnier.
I Can Do It Perfectly, Until, I Try Showing Someone. Then I Can't Do It.
I used to have a voice like Justin Beiber, then I turned four.
ADIDAS-All Day I Dream About Sex
dont sweat the petty things and dont pet the sweaty things.
Girls are like internet domain names... the ones I like are already taken.
come here.take off ur pants and get on top of me....enjoy me until ur totally satisfied -lovingly urs TOILET!!!!
A girl phoned me the other day and said..."Come on over, there's nobody home." I went over. Nobody was home.
School is like a lollipop. It sucks until it is gone.
Men should be like Kleenex...soft, strong, and disposable.
A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you're in deep water.
Home is a place where teenagers go to refuel.
Don't be so humble-you are not that great.
I believe in rules. Sure I do. If there weren't any rules, how could you break them?
Love makes the world go round? Not at all. Whiskey makes it go round twice as fast.
Life was so much easier when your clothes didn't match and boys had cooties!
Is that a gun in your pocket, or are you just glad to see me?
Have no fear of perfection-you'll never reach it.
You are like a candy bar: half sweet and half nuts.
You are a 9.9999. You'd be a perfect 10 if you were with me.
When God made you, he was showing off.
Smile if you want me!
I'm invisible. (Really?) Can you see me? (Yes) How about tomorrow night?
I'm feeling kind of insecure right now. Could I have a hug?
If you were a booger I'd pick you first.
If beauty were time, you'd be an eternity.
I have a cat. She would really like to meet you.
Excuse me, I'm looking for a friend...do you want to be my friend?
Can you be my groceries for the day? Because I so want to bag you!
Do you know karate? 'Cause your body is really kickin'.
Baby, somebody better call God, cuz he's missing an angel!
Baby, if you were words on a page, you'd be what they call fine print
Baby did you fart, 'cause you blow me away!
Are you a parking ticket? (What?) You got fine written all over you.
My mother's menu consisted of two choices: Take it or leave it.
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
I either Get what I want or I change my mind.
A synonym is a word you use when you can't spell the word you first thought of.
Dolphins: Don't trust a species that's always smiling, its up to something!
Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
I'm not paranoid! Which of my enemies told you this?
I'm in shape ... round's a shape isn't it?
Money Talks ... but all mine ever says is Goodbye!
I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn LOUDER!
I've often wanted to drown my troubles, but I can't get my wife to go swimming.
I went to a meeting for premature ejaculators. I left early.
fat girls always pick on girls who are skinny, but when skinny girls pick on fat girls its an argument why?
Flipping the Pillow Over to Get to the Cold Side
If I could punch you without getting in trouble, beleive me, i would
Pretending to Text in Awkward Situations
Sorry, I'm allergic to bullshit.
Save paper save the planet! Don't do homework!
why are they called apartments if they are all stuck together?
When I was born I was so surprised I didn?t talk for a year and a half.
All people have the right to stupidity but some abuse the privilege.
Common sense is the most evenly distributed quantity in the world. Everyone thinks he has enough.
Your school GPA is inversely proportionate to your girlfriend's looks and vise versa.
Girls want a lot of things from one guy. Conversely, guys want one thing from a lot of girls.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
Most people are only alive because it is illegal to shoot them.
Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss.
When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it.
Take my advice. I don't use it anyway.
Don't be so open-minded. Your brains might fall out!
I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying.
Love is like a booger. You keep picking at it until you get it, then wonder what to do with it.
girls are like telephones.they love to be held and talked to,but if you push the wrong button you get disconnected
Common sense is not so common.
Knowledge talks, wisdom listens.
People that care don't mind.
All kids are gifted; some just open their packages earlier than others.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure
Santa Claus has the right idea: visit people once a year
I speak two languages, Body and English.
Speak when you are angry, and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.
If at first you don?t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried
"FUCK YOU!!" .... " what position? " ;)
wouldn't it be ironic if you died in the living room
I love finding someone who thinks the same way you do
I wish I could go back to when I met you, And walk away.
when boys had cooties, homework was 2+2, and drama was he stole my crayons
Facebook, the only place I can talk to a wall and not look like an idiot.
If nothing is going right... GO LEFT! :)
If two people are happy together, then leave them to it. It's THEIR lives.
walking into random stores in the summer just for the air-conditioning.
Parent's friend: Do you remember me? I last saw you when you were just a baby! You: Then how the HELL would i remember you???
He broke her heart. She broke his Xbox. Who cried harder??
I Don't Stalk, I Observe.
Quoting someone just to shut them up
A rich man's joke is always funny.
Beware of the young doctor and the old barber.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
Never kick a fresh turd on a hot day.
The only thing stronger than a mother's love is a garlic breath.
Cheese? milk's leap toward immortality.
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals.
I'm in no condition to drive...wait! I shouldn't listen to myself, I'm drunk!
Marriage is a three ring circus: engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.
In weight lifting, I don't think sudden, uncontrolled urination should automatically disqualify you.
When I was kidnapped, my parents snapped into action. They rented out my room.
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans
Of all the things that tax a man's patience, there's nothing to compare with a stuck zipper.
Trouble defies the law of gravity. It's easier to pick up than to drop.
Nobody goes there anymore because it's too crowded.
Procrastination is the greatest laborsaving invention of all time.
Hippies, hippies... they want to save the world but all they do is smoke pot and play frisbee!
Honolulu - it's got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wife's mother.
Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the universe together.
I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.
Middle age is when your age starts to show around your middle.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
A good essay is 10% inspiration, 15% perspiration, and 75% desperation
It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain.
The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
There Are Three Kinds of People - Those Who Can Count and Those Who Can't
If you can't fix it with duct tape you have'nt used enough.
A foolish man tells a woman to stop talking, but a wise man tells her that her mouth is extremely beautiful when her lips are closed.
All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
Summer is the season when the air pollution is much warmer.
Lifes Tough, get a helmet!
A hippie is someone who looks like Tarzan, walks like Jane and smells like Cheetah.
If you love your job, you haven't worked a day in your life.
I'm an excellent housekeeper. Every time I get a divorce, I keep the house.
42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot
Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself." - after being told he looked cool.
Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed.
Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation.
All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific.
A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.
Swearing was invented as a compromise between running away and fighting.
I ain't sleeping. I'm just taking a good look at the insides of my eyelids.
We have found that it's much easier to restrain our wrath when the other fellow is bigger than we are.
By the time we're ready to admit we've reached middle age, we're beyond it.
The most dangerous position in which to sleep is with your feet on your office desk.
A word to the wise ain't necessary - it's the stupid ones that need the advice
Marriages are made in heaven. But so again, are thunder and lightning.
You tried, and you failed, so the lesson is, never try.
Never pick a fight with anyone who buys ink by the barrel.
Human beings are the only creatures on earth that allow their children to come back home.
By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher...and that is a good thing for any man.
Zippers are more popular in automated offices than elsewhere -- if you wear a button, someone's liable to push it.
A good lawyer knows the law; a clever one takes the judge to lunch.
Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200 and a substantial tax cut save you 30 cents?
He's so optimistic he'd buy a burial suit with two pairs of pants.
Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I'm not sure about the universe.
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?
A person who knows how to laugh at himself will never ceased to be amused.

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